Optional Nonsense - Sarcasm & Quizzes

Sarcasm & Quizzes

Oct. 25th, 2006 at 10:08 PM

mathewjpallet: There's No Money!!! (Default)

I was going to post pictres of Gore: the Protector, that I'd spent about Ten minutes building after an indterminate amount of time spraypainting the bloody thing in a badly ventilated room.

So instead here's a quiz that I stole from koalapuff who nicked it from denji & I've no idea where it first came from. Perhaps it's best that I don't know.

How Asian are you?

Section 1
Are you Asian in the first place? Caucasian.
Were you born in an Asian country? Born in Upton Court Hospital, the place is now a retirement home.
Can you use chopsticks? Probably, it's been a while.
Have you taken Vietnamese/Chinese/Korean/Japanese/LAO, etc.
Those courses aren't covered at my local University.
Can you speak an Asian language? I can barely speak English.
Is your favorite subject math/science? Those were two subjects In which I was suitably proficient, but then I went to the second worst performing school in the UK.
Do you eat rice almost every single day/or alot? Can't have a Vindaloo without Rice!!!
Did/Do you spike/highlight your hair? I died my hair black between December 1997 & June 1998, it was murder doing the eyebrows. By all rights, I should be blind right about now.
Do you have an "azn krew"? I'm sorry, I've got a cold.
Do you have a 95 average? Like I said, the second worst performing schoolin the UK.
Do you get at least a 3.0 GPA? Must I repeat myself?

Score: 3 of 11

Section 2
Do you listen to Asian music? Garlic Boys, Lance of Thrill, Melt Banana, Super Junky Monkey & The 5,6,7,8's
Have you watched Asian movies? City on Fire,Rashomon, Game of Death, Men From the Monastary (where on of the protagonists has perfected his martial arts to such a degree that the only way he can be killed is by being stabbed in the Testicles).
Can you rave? I'll ignore that question.
Are you a master at DDR? Haven't played it.
Do you drink pearl milk tea or bubble tea? Earl Grey Tea (no Milk or Sugar) or English Breakfast with Honey. I tried Lapsang Souchong once, but found that it was not to my liking.
Can you play CS, Starcraft, Warcraft, Diablo, etc? Don't play MMO's
Have you played the violin/piano/cello? I had an Electric Keyboard.
Do/did your parents beat you if you get bad grades? Did you not read how bad the school I attended was?
Are you going/taking/took any honors/AP classes? Sadly my grant was rescinded halfway through my second year, so I couldn't continue.
Do you/your parents drive an Asian made car? Italian & German.

Score: 3 of 10

Section 3
Are you or were you once a fob? A Keychain?
Is your last name Park, Lee, Chang, Phanna, Wang, Wong, Kim, Tang, Chow, Yu, or Nguyen? It's Pallett (There's an Asian Sushi Chef whose surname is also Pallett, but that could just be some huge coincidence).
Have you dated/wanted to date Asian guys/girls? That's a bit personal, are you going to ask me what noises I make during Sex as well? (guys no, girls yes!)
Have you designed a website before? There's stirfriedpla.net
Does your SNS/e-mail have/had the words: AzN, gurl, boy, sweet, cute, hot, dragon, babe, angel, lil, princess, No, thehour.
Do you have both an Asian and an English name? Huh?
Do you take off your shoes before entering someone's house? No I walk through shit especially to drag it through other people's houses.
Do you know the song "Got Rice"? Huh?
Anime? Yes, but in this day & age, who doesn't?.
Do you listen to trance? Are you even paying attention to my answers, this was covered in Section 2.

Score: 3 of 10

Section 4
Have you eaten dim sum/dumplings before? Yeah.
Are your parents fobs? No.
Is the mall your hang out place? My god that child is back on that escalator.
Do you think you're short? I'm almost Two Metres tall, but I know a few people taller than me.
Do you have tons of cousins/siblings/uncles/aunts/etc? Everyone does!
Can you twirl a pencil between your fingers? Yeah, easy.
Have you ever solved a rubik's cube? Yeah, with a hammer.
Do you read Manga? & Comics, Comix, Bandes Dessines, Fumetti etc.
Do you/your parents save ketchup packets/napkins/etc from restaurants for later use? I HAVE AN IRRATIONAL FEAR OF TOMATO KETCHUP!!!
Do you have Asian Pride? I'm Stoic.

Score: 6 of 10

Section 5
Are you a very good artist? What's your definition of 'very good'?
Do you speak your Asian language with your friends? They all speak English.
Do your relatives own a restaurant/market/Nail salon in an Asian community? My Aunt owns her own stable.
Do you slurp soup? Doesn't everyone?
Have you visited your home country at least twice? Never.
Does your house smell like incense once in awhile? You don't want to know what my house smells like.
Do you have/had glasses or braces? No.
Do you like to read? Didn't you just ask a similar question?
Do you NOT have an allowance? Whats an allowance?

score: 2 of 9

Now add up your scores
and multiply by 2.
That's how Asian you are --- 34%

So that's one third then. I've often wondered.